My observation for the day..
You'll find plenty of people who will tell you what you are doing wrong and few who will tell you what you are doing right...
I had another Sleep deprived night! I seem to do my deepest thinking when I've had my least amount of sleep.
Michael doesn't like to sleep!
Now there are a lot of people who will offer me great advice on how to 'fix' this. They'll tell me how wrong I was to give him a bottle. How he shouldn't be having milk at his age. How their children slept through because they did x,y and z.
But there are very few people who will listen to what I have tried. Will offer a friendly ear and not be coming up with a solution for my problem.
Do you really listen to others? or are you planning how to solve their problem or what advice to give? Or how their problem relates to your life?
I know I'm a terrible 'solver'. And after being on the receiving end of others solutions I really should know it really doesn't help the other person. Why? Because it's not their solution but yours.
Why do so many of us assume others aren't as intelligent as us? and we need to solve their problem for them? When really if we let others talk it out they really can come up with their own solution?
I've come to the conclusion that the best thing I can do when a friend is telling me how difficult things are is listen and ask questions which help the person come to their own solution. There is a name for this Active Listening. But to do it well you have to practice it, it's something you can do badly and will appear false and condescending.
Really other people are intelligent and can with a little encouragement and listening, form their own solutions when they have a good friend who listens.
You know I find being a mother hard work! To all those other mothers who find it hard work too.. A BIG HUG.
More links on listening:
7 comments:
Another thoughtful and insightful post from you Tracy. Thanks. Your honesty is always a wake-up call for me.
Great post Tracy. I think I need to learn to be a better active listener...
well said tracy!
Michael, I have said all along you have such a cheeky way that is so loveable so we know that your mumma might be sleep deprived but she is still a great rocking mumma offering us some lovely insights ;-)
p.S. do you want to come have a play date with sami and you two can exchange notes, its only a 16 hour flight I am sure your mumma won't ming ((((HUGS))))
No advice - except "keep up the good work :)"
You are right about people not listening. I have learned, in my old age, that to tell someone your problem means they will automatically try to fix it for you.
Thanks Tracy, I read the link about listening to children- this is very true for me, especially with my daughter.
Wise words.
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