Fake it 'til you make it!

Today is my year anniversary at Weight Watchers. A year ago today I joined. A year ago today I made the decision that this was the last time I'd ever weight 89.9kgs (or more) I took the last photo of me ever at that weight.

A year on and I've achieved my goals. 

At times it's been an easy ride at others the hardest journey I've ever taken. I've learned so much and grown so much. I've become mentally and physically healthy.

There were days I just had to fake being the healthy, fit woman I dreamed of being. Times I had to ask myself, "What would a fit, healthy woman do?" Would she go the gym or sit on the couch eating the salt and vinegar chips?

Days I had to ask myself, "Who do you want to be?" The depressed, overweight mother or the fit, energetic, happy mother. Days I just had to fake being that fit, happy, energetic woman.

Ever day I faked it was one day closer to making it. By acting like a fit, healthy energetic woman I have become that fit, healthy, energetic woman. Today I don't have to fake it anymore. 

My blog has been poorly neglected of late. I've lost my blog mojo, not a bad thing really. I did weaken and rejoined facebook for a few weeks there but once again 'social networking' started to take over my life. Would a fit, energetic, woman sit on facebook? Or would she be out playing with her kids? I decided to deactivate my facebook account again, I'm not the sort of person who can use it in a balanced and moderated way.

Fit Your knits.

Another Craftsy course I'm enrolled in is Fit Your Knits.

One of the knits featured is Bad Penny by Stefanie Japel

 Bad Penny is a free pattern from Knitty.com

 I've altered the Bad Penny pattern to include waist and hip shaping.

Although the pattern is a little big in the shoulders for me,

I am happy with the fit of the waist and hip shaping.

I knitted the smallest size of this pattern,

I will knit it again but will reduce the size by casting on less stitches.

 I'm enjoying the Craftsy Course.

I've been binge eating again.

I still battle with the emotional eating.

Last night I baked some Afghan biscuits and

I knew when I was making them I was going to binge, 

but it didn't stop me!

I'm an emotional eater, 12 months ago I would of told you 

I'm fat because I eat too much and don't exercise. I just like eating.

I know now it's a lot more complicated than that.

You can like eating and not be obese.

My obesity came from emotional eating.

From not dealing with my feelings but eating them down.

From not saying and expressing how I feel.

I can see now if I don't change my parenting my children

may too be dealing with obesity.

I need to help my children to learn to express themselves emotionally.

I need to stop telling them how they should and should not feel.

I need to start telling them it's ok to feel angry.

When I'm angry and frustrated I eat my feelings.

The kids were noisy, arguing and fighting last Saturday.

I was feeling frustrated and angry and fed up.

I headed off to the supermarket to grab a few things for lunch.

While there I bought a large pack of Salt and Vinegar chips.

The thought pattern as I put those chips in the trolley was....

"Oh you've been so good, 

you deserve a treat, 

you can just have a few and put the rest on the table for the kids,

they are on special!"

Most of the chips were eaten by the time I got home.

I won't be going near the supermarket when I feel so angry and frustrated again.

When I started my journey to lose weight,

I never knew how much I'd learn about myself along the way.

When I started I was so focused on all I had to give up to lose the weight,

now I see how much more I have gained.

I may never get to the point where I don't battle the binge,

but being aware of my behaviours and the triggers for them 

gives me the ability to learn new coping skills.

It's all in my mind...

In the supermarket yesterday I was lined up at the checkouts. One of the other school mums stopped and smiled at the woman in front of me and started a conversation, she never acknowledged me! Seemed to look blankly at me as I smiled at her from behind the woman she was chatting to.

I was a little upset as I left the supermarket. Had I offended this woman? She normally smiles and says hi. We aren't friends, more nodding acquaintances.

I let myself stew on the incident for awhile, then it struck me, she probably hadn't recognized me! I haven't seen her for awhile. It's happened a couple of times now. Especially since my last hair cut and colour.

Makes me ponder how I sometimes create my own dramas, by making assumptions.

Was it easy for me?

"It was easy for you to lose the weight!" 

I know why people make such an inane comment, that belittles my weight loss. They do it because they think anyone who loses the weight it is easy for. It makes them feel better about not having lost the weight themselves.

I too made those excuses. It was too hard for me to lose weight, I have 7 kids under 14 years, I have a husband who works away from home, I'm breastfeeding, I don't have the time for me to exercise and on and on I'd make those excuses. They are just excuses!

I worked hard to lose my weight. It took a lot of effort and focus to change my behaviours. It didn't happen over night, it was day in and day out of eating to propoints and exercising. It was recording everything I put into my mouth. It was exercising when I didn't want to or feel like it. It was staying focused on remaining positive I was doing the 'right' thing on weeks where the scales didn't move or worst moved the wrong way!

Being in the normal weight range makes me one of the odd ones out these days. I go shopping and I'm often the only person in a normal weight range in the shop! I never realised when I was obese how many of us are.

And I also never realised how much harder it can be to find clothes for people in normal weight ranges these days. Miller's starts at size 10, and a very generous size 10 it is!! Dress sizes have been sneaking up, big time. I know because my Size 12 1990's Lisa Ho ballgown just fits me, but I can squeeze into a few size 8's these days.

With so many of us being overweight, it has become normal. To such an extent that plus size models are  becoming popular. The media jumped up and down seeing the super skinny models but no one seems to find plus size models to also not be a great role model. I want women of a healthy weight advertising clothes. I don't want permission to get big again. I don't want to feel comfortable to be outside of my healthy weight range again. I don't want clothes sizes to continue to get increasingly generous to make me feel it's ok to put on those extra few kilos.

It is not ok to be obese, it's not ok to be over weight! It's a health risk and just as smoking and alcohol abuse are not ok neither is over eating and under exercising. Like smoking around kids affects their health, being overweight and obese when you have kids affects their health too. Kids learn from what they see around them. As a community we do pay for the health care costs as a result. Not that I'd advocate we don't but I think it is all of our concern that as a society we are becoming so unhealthy.

If I can do it, you can too!

Oh so far.....

 Taken 25th September 2010

Taken 19th September 2011

Today I wore a swimsuit, 

I went to the local pool and swam my first lap in about...

I have no idea!  Must be at least 20 years at least.

Another Goal Kicked!

 Way back on February the 2nd I set myself a few goals.

Even wrote them down.

To loose 30kgs and run in the Jamestown Fun Run.

crossing the finish line ..Time of 27:01:83

Today all my goals are complete.

I need to set myself a few more goals.

From Obese Couch Potato to Fit Fabulous Forty+ 

in 10 months!

Dreams do come true, it takes an hour a day.

Sunny mornings

Good Morning Readers.

I rolled out of bed at 6:30am this morning and took myself for a jog around the block. Half way around I was crying! Not because I was sad but because I was happy! I've come so far in the last 8 months both physically and mentally.

This mornings revelation on my run was that the vacant spot inside, I'd been filling so long with food, approval from others and stuff, was filled. That hole had been a lack of self worth,  self appreciation and self esteem.

Some interesting reading on Approval Addiction ....
Approval Addiction Keeps Us Trapped
Approval Addiction how to end the need to please

I feel so good inside and outside. I can now give myself the love and approval I need. The blog was part of my 'Need To Please'. Removing the comments and followers was necessary for me, I had to stop medicating myself with my Readers approval.

I started my weight loss journey to look better and improve my physical health. I've done so much more than that. I've learned to love myself. I've learned to accept myself, to be proud of me.
Losing weight might of seemed like the hardest thing to do at the beginning but it has been the best thing I have ever done for myself.

Ok, enough of the deep and meaningful!

This weeks crafting:

 I knitted Heather a vest. 

I've often admired this type of vest pattern

but couldn't bring myself to buy it as I knew it was so easy 

so I came up with my own version.

 Heather is growing up.

She loves anything electronic.

 I added some wavy lace for interest.

I'm really happy how this turned out. 

I worked this in the round from the top down.

The back is higher than the front as I think garments sit better.

I worked a few extra rows after the yoke on the back before joining back in the round.

 This is Joe's fleece from the Moseley Park Fibre Club.

All spun up. I spun some very fine and some think and plied the two together,

 Another Moseley park Fibre Club, this one Silk and Alpaca.

It has a beautiful drape and sheen.

And this is a single yarn spun from one of Kathy's plaits.

It had the colourway name of Peter Pan and I think it was silk and merino.

I  fulled the yarn, this gives it added strength.

Renewal and new beginnings...

 This morning as I did a sprints session on the block next door.

I found the first Jonquils had flowered.

I looked up and saw the almonds in blossom too.

Spring is on it's way a time of renewal and rebirth.

Pretty fitting for me too!

I see hope everywhere these days.

My glass is more than half full.

Instead of seeing the negative, I'm see the positives in my life.

And I do have a lot of positives!

I later took Heather for a bike ride in the baby trailer.

And it suddenly hit me.

I'm not a fat woman dreaming of being fit anymore.

I am that fit fabulous woman I dreamed of being 6 months ago.

The photo quality isn't the best.

I had Fern take the photo on my iphone last night.

Pete's been away for almost 3 weeks and last night he came home.

I wore my new dress and makeup.

He was pretty impressed!

He's been warned the new wife is high maintenance!

She likes nice clothes and pretty things.

Wishing you all joy in your world today.

Goal!!!!!!

I did it!

Time for a new hair cut and outfit.

Goodbye Obesity!

Goodbye Plus size clothing!

Goodbye Fat

Hello Fit

Hello cute little summer dresses, hurry up summer!!

Hello shorts!

Hello swim suits.

Hello health and energy.

I am NEVER going back.

Running, jumping and playing

I've fought depression on and off most of my adult life.

Being obese didn't help.

Does depression cause weight gain or does weight gain cause depression?

Who knows? but the two are very strongly linked.

Interesting read HERE

Getting fit and healthy to live an active happy life

is not just about losing weight.

I need to do something about my mental health too.

If I don't work on my mental health then the chances are I'll end up undoing all my hard work of getting to goal weight.

When I watched 'The Biggest Loser' this year the thing that struck me the most was how the participants got happier as their weight went down.

They grew in confidence and self esteem.

I realised that losing weight isn't only a physical process it's also a mental one.

 My mental health and my physical health are interdependant.

Getting physically healthy and staying there means I need to get mentally healthy too.

I need to stop the negative self talk.

I need to work on developing positive self esteem.

Getting active is more effective in helping people with depression than the drugs!

Interesting read HERE

I love running. Something I thought I'd never say.

I can now run for 60 minutes at 7.5km/h!

I started with the C25K programme

and I'm now using the Bridge to 10k.

The feeling I get when I finish a run is so wonderful.

I come off that treadmil so proud and happy with myself.

I love that I'm doing something I thought I could never do.

When I first started I struggled to run the 1 minute.

It took me 4 weeks to complete the first week!

At Week 3 I was ready to give up, I just couldn't do the 3 minutes.

What got me thought is some great advice to slow it down, just work on getting the motion going.

Plus my self talk ....

"Woman, You have birthed 7 times! You can do this! Just get on with it and stop your whining!"

After the intial physical challenges of getting my body to run 

I found comes the mental one.

Once my body was used to the running motion,

the mental battle started to keep me going.

I now feel like I'm winning the mental battle too.

Change is hard but the rewards are worth it.

Losing weight and getting healthy are just an hour a day.

You can do it too.

You gotta have goals!

1st of March 2005, over 105kgs!

Bronnie asked, "Couldn't you find a worst before photo?"

Well Bronnie, I CAN!

I've been asked many times, "How have you done it?"

So here it is, I've put together a few of my blog posts from my Weight Watcher blog.

If you are bored with life, if you don't get up every morning with a burning desire to do things--you don't have enough goals. ~ Lou Holtz Quotes

When I started 5 months ago I wrote down my goals.
Writing my goal made it specific in what I wanted to achieve.

I thought about the reasons why I wanted to achieve my goals.
My biggest reason is my kids. I want to be healthy and fit to be the best mum I can be for them. I want to teach them how to be healthy and fit so they too can live happy, healthy lives and bring up healthy children. 
Losing weight has nothing to do with WILL power. That's right! I finally figured it out in my head. Loosing weight has nothing to do with Will Power. It's all about Want Power.
I Want to be fit and healthy.
I Want to live a long life, to see my children grow to be adults.
I Want to see my grandbabies born.
I Want to be an energetic Grandmother who's children will shake their heads and tell off for traipsing all over the world. And as badly as I WANT all this is how hard I am going to work at getting it. There are no more excuses. I WANT it all and to get all of this I NEED to look after ME. It's selfish of me not too. My kids need me, my future grandbabies will NEED me and I NEED to be here for them. The selfish thing to do would have been to continue to ignore my own health needs. To continue to let my weight get out of control.  My health is my NUMBER ONE priority. It's not about losing weight to look good, it's about being the healthiest I can be. My Dad died at 60 from cancer. My youngest will only be 16 when I'm 60! If I can now make myself as healthy as I can be I'll have a much better chance of fighting any illness that may come later in my life. I'm telling you all, it's not about having will power, it's about having what you want and need. Work as much as you want to be healthy, fit and energetic and you'll do it too!

I made a plan for how I was going to achieve my goal.
I joined WW, I found the time for exercise. I read lots from the WW site about healthy lifestyles. I tracked my food and learned about my food choices. I got the support of Peter, he gives me the time to exercise each day by looking after the kids while I go the gym. When he's away for work I walked each night back and forth on the road in front of our house while the kids were sleeping and later as my fitness improved I rode my bike with the two little ones in the baby trailer.

I set myself a deadline for my goals and broke my big goals down to smaller goals.
I set a weekly weigh in and dates for my fitness goals. Giving myself  a specific time to reach each goal. I worked out little goals to help me get to my big goal. I broke my weight goal down to weekly and monthly amounts. By achieving my little goals I know I'm on track to getting to the big goal. Like eating elephants it's one bite at a time. This stopped me getting overwhelmed by how BIG the goal was.
I bought myself a size 16 dress from the op-shop which was too small and every morning I tried it on. I got excited when the buttons fastened. Once that was fitting I bought a Size 14 skirt. 
I set myself challenges for my fitness. I started the C25K programme and used a programme on the exercise bike and aimed at bettering my times.

I revisited my goals often and changed them as I needed to.
I decided 60kgs might be too low a weight for me and reset to 65kg. I moved back my date for the 5km run. Now I've moved my fitness goal to 10kms.

Aim for the moon. If you miss, you may hit a star.
W. Clement Stone

I have rewarded myself along the way with new clothes and time to myself. With 7 kids time to myself is a treat. Pete looks after the kids while I have my 'mummy days off'. I take myself off to nearby towns and go for long walks on my own.

I am only 700gms from goal and I need to think about my next set of goals. I need to start working on my self confidence and self worth issues because if I don't I'll end up back where I was. I'll continue to bury my feelings with food instead of speaking up and saying how I feel. I need to kick the 'need to please' and learn to be true to myself.

So have you set your goals yet?
Have you given yourself a great reason for getting to your goal?
Have you written your goals down?
Have you a plan on how you are going to achieve your goals?
And how are you going to reward yourself for meeting your goals?

Self Sabotage....

 I'm still 3kg to go to goal.

But I'm struggling staying on track.

The exercise I'm doing easy and loving.

It the food I'm wrestling with again.

 You'd think fitting into size 10 jeans would be all the inspiration I need to stay on track.

But you'd be wrong it seems.

The bad habits are sneaking in.

The self talk goes .."oh, you've done so well. Go on you can have a chocolate eclair with that coffee"

Or "mmm those biscuits smell so good just one won't hurt" ..nine biscuits later!

Pattern: Ruched T from Interweave knits 2011

Yarn: Panda Heath (50c a ball! only took 5!)

Needled: 4mm

 It sure is quicker to knit for the new body and cheaper too!

The reality is I am always going to have to watch my weight.

And that is the reality for most of us.

You can't just get to goal and stop eating well and exercising.

If you do, you end up back at the start again.

Which is why it is so important for this to be a life change not a diet.

It's got to be something you do for life.

So that eclair and those biscuits will need a little extra work in the gym and I'll need to be a little more careful in what else I put into my mouth this week and hopefully at the end of the week I won't have gained.

But if I have it's not the end of the world is it?

Because this is a life change not a diet.

And it's ok to have the occasional indulgence as long as I stay on track.

So the photos are going up on the blog a little early to keep me motivated and on track.

Happy 9th Birthday Liam and another yarn

 Happy Birthday to Liam.

It's become a tradition here for the birthday child to decorate their own cake.

We get very interesting masterpieces.

No cake for mummy as I had a weigh in the next morning.

 

I made a sock weight yarn this time.

spun from a ply of  EL X Merino and a ply of Coopworth.

Both fleeces I bought from Jane at Moseley Park.

A pair of socks for me.

The advantage of all this spinning is it is not possible to put food

in my mouth while using my hands to spin!

I had a great Weigh In on Thursday and lost 1.2kg

Putting me in the healthy weight range with a BMI of 25!

And under 70kgs!

And a total loss of over  20kgs.
To celebrate I went clothes shopping and bought myself a gorgeous new dress.

Only 4.7kgs to go to goal.

New yarns

 One of Kathy's beautiful batts plied with some of her dyed silk tops.

My spinning is really starting to get there.

I'm really pleased with my progress in learning to spin.

I'm self taught using the internet, videos and books.

 My sister told my mum...

"Tracy can do anything when she sets her mind to it."

I was rather taken back by the compliment.

Donna was referring to my weight loss.

I've always doubted my own abilities but now I'm starting to believe she's right!

 Some of Jane's El X Merino fleece plied with Romney Ball from Kathy.

 I'm building up a fine stash of handspun yarns.

Might be time to think about passing on the pleasure and having a give away soon.

I learnt a new term ..

SABLE Stash Acquisition Beyond Life Expectation! 

I wonder if my hoarding of 'stuff' is related to my weight?

A little snap shot of where I am on my weight loss journey.

Yep, that is 27cms off my waist! and 11cms off EACH thigh!

I still can't believe I am doing it!

Weight loss so far

I put half a kilo on this week and was feeling a little glum about it. So I searched through my photo library to find my "before" photo and my latest photo. Neither of them are good photos but they do show me how much I have lost. The first was taken on 1st March 2005 and the next 19th February 2007. I'm getting there :) It's just sooo sloooow. I do need to start to increase my exercise.