The joy of learning

Heather has leaned to pull herself up to stand.
She's even shuffled those little feet to cruise a couple of steps.
The delight and joy of her achievement shows clearly in her giggles, gurgles  and smiles.
Learning brings such joy and self worth.

When we are babies we learn because we want to.
We don't do it because someone else wants us to.

I enjoy learning new things.
I love the challenge and the feeling of satisfaction it brings.
I love to show off my new talent and skill, just like my babies.

I didn't love learning at school.
I struggled at primary school.
I failed grade 5 and I failed grade 7.
I knew I wasn't clever.
I knew I was stupid.
There was no joy.
My mum would have to drag me to school each morning.
I would cry and hide.
I hated the tests and always being at the bottom of the class.
The embarrassment of everyone knowing how stupid I was.
No matter how hard I tried. I just couldn't learn to spell.
We had graded reports and mine was constantly 'U'  or 'D'
My dad would be angry and I was scared of him reading my reports.
I was lazy, I was told. I should try harder, I was told.

When I was at high school I would skip school at every opportunity.
I'd hide out at the local library, reading!
Or stay home as both my parents worked. I'd intercept the letter from the school.

My mum could never understand why the teachers kept telling her I couldn't read.
"She's always got her nose in a book!", my mum would exclaim. And I did love reading. The words I didn't know I'd just skip, the story still made sense to me. I didn't have to sound the words out in my head. I'd just guess at the words meaning and that worked. I had to read in a quiet place to be able to remember what I had read. I'd often have to reread the page twice to work out the story but I worked it out.

I did better at High School than Primary school.
I didn't have to do spelling and reading tests anymore.
And by the time I was Year 12 I was getting A's
I did so well I ended up going to College and completing an Education Degree.

And I never realised, I had dyslexia.
Neither did the teachers or my parents.
 I only realised when my son James was diagnosed.
The psychologist who assessed James mentioned Dyslexia runs in families and asked if anyone in  either Pete or my family had Dyslexia.
I finally had an explanation for my own struggles at school.

My heart breaks when I see James hiding in the bathroom not wanting to go to school.
When he tells me he's stupid because he finds learning at school hard.
I understand his pain, his anxiety and his lack of self worth.

Did you know there is no special Education funding for kids with Dyslexia?
Did you know people with Dyslexia are generally above average in intelligence?
Did you know around 10% of the population have dyslexia?
 Do you know how frustrating and self esteem destroying Dyslexia is?
Do you know you can't cure Dyslexia?
Do you know it's not a matter of making children work more and do more?
That children with dyslexia work so hard to understand in the classroom, that to just add more work is too tiring?

When James tells me "I'm stupid."
I can now tell him why he finds it hard to learn.

Gosh I didn't start to write a post about Dyslexia just share the joy of learning!
I got sidetracked by the thoughts of when for me learning wasn't a joy.

When do we stop praising our kids for every little step they make, every new word they speak?
When do we start telling them what they do isn't good enough?
When do we start measuring our kids to others and finding them wanting?

Those of us who never measured up, go through life with that constant fear of failing again.
That biter feeling of failure is something you never forget.
I don't think it has made me a better person, it has just made me fearful of failure.